


Paper Screens

by AvaCelt



Series: Gintama Prompt Fills [13]
Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7062202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvaCelt/pseuds/AvaCelt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He grew up with an unbridled rage hidden behind a thin, paper screen. That rage festered, gave birth to a loneliness that also putrefied with age. It rotted parts of him, parts of him that went on to commit murder, burn down buildings in the name of freedom, ruin lives for a political quest that was meaningless because he, too, would die one day, just like the rest of Earth. He supposed Yoshida Shouyou saw that bit, but he didn't say anything. Takasugi and Gintoki saw it too, but they shied away, because as destructive as they were, they weren't alone... not like Katsura was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper Screens

**Author's Note:**

> Written for "Hurt/Comfort Meme." Originally posted on my [Tumblr writing blog](http://victorsandvanquishers.tumblr.com/) and now being archived here for the A03 writing community.

“Is it really him?”

“You’ll have to see for yourself.”

“Don’t be an asshole, wighead. Is it him or not?”

“You tell me, Gintoki. He’s your father, after all.”

With that, Katsura left the silver-haired man alone in front of Utsuro’s room. He kept walking until he reached the exit of the hospital, and when he stepped into the streets, a black car pulled up. He got in, and let Elizabeth drive him far, far away from the man he once called his first love.

 _Second_ , Katsura corrects himself inwardly.

Fortunately, for Katsura, he didn’t lose anyone important on Rakuyou. When he first heard of Takasugi’s kidnapping, his heart thrummed at the mention of his first love. Then Gintoki had chosen to follow, and Katsura’s blood froze. If the gods had willed, he could have lost everyone. It wasn’t particularly a past he was proud of, or even a past he wished to remember, but it was his to keep. They were a part of him, memories he both hated and cherished, memories that left him with the festering sense of loneliness that had haunted him seemingly since birth.

His skills were his to cherish. He’d fought, grunted, and sweated through every battle with a blank face and a steely determination. He loved relentlessly too. He loved when he was a child, still hateful of the universe for leaving him without parents and for taking his grandmother. He loved when he was older, when he realized that he had a crush on a classmate who was reserved in his thoughts, his practices, and his serenity. He loved when he was even older, when he realized that he loved two men, that he loved Gintoki, that he loved Takasugi, and that neither of them loved him back the way he wanted them to love him.

He fought viciously, always alone. They had his back, but they didn’t have his soul. Yoshida Shouyou knew that, and that’s why he never pushed Katsura to move into the tiny schoolhouse that housed fifteen or so orphans and abandoned children who had no where else to go. Utsuro understood him, and that’s why he let him walk alone. Katsura hated the man as well, but he loved him too, and thanked him for understanding him at a point in his life when he all he could do was make food to show his gratefulness.

The loneliness had continued to fester, and one day, Yoshida Shouyou died, Takasugi lost an eye, and they parted. Takasugi left first, body still feverish, but the hatred in his remaining eye was enough for Gintoki to step back and let him shuffle away. Katsura left next, because their friend, Sakamoto, was safe and Takasugi was gone, and Gintoki didn’t love him the way he wanted him to. Katsura left a week later, his life wrapped in some cloth and his sedge hat shielding him from the sun’s rays.

That was over ten years ago, and even when he met Sakamoto again, the ice still hadn’t melted. Some time later, Takasugi sneaked passed his defenses, and planted himself in the peripherals of his life, and then, one fateful afternoon, Gintoki had walked back into his vision, back from the subaltern, back from the past where Katsura had buried him. One by one, they came back, and now, Yoshida Shouyou too, and Katsura wondered if he’d ever be free from this Hell.

Elizabeth stopped the car in front of the river and they sat quietly as the sun dipped over the horizon.

“It doesn’t change anything,” Katsura said out loud. “We’re still alone in our paths. Right, Elizabeth?” Elizabeth didn’t answer, but he did lower the hood of the car so that the breeze could touch Katsura’s face. He appreciated the gesture. “Maybe not all alone,” he corrected himself.

The water glittered while the setting sun colored the sky deep red. Katsura saw tufts of pink, shades of blue still breathing in the sky that would soon fade to black.

Elizabeth tapped him on the shoulder and gave him a cup of sake. Katsura blinked before softening his features. They tapped glasses and drank to the coming night.

He grew up with an unbridled rage hidden behind a thin, paper screen. That rage festered, gave birth to a loneliness that also putrefied with age. It rotted parts of him, parts of him that went on to commit murder, burn down buildings in the name of freedom, ruin lives for a political quest that was meaningless because he, too, would die one day, just like the rest of Earth. He supposed Yoshida Shouyou saw that bit, but he didn’t say anything. Takasugi and Gintoki saw it too, but they shied away, because as destructive as they were, they weren’t alone. They would never be alone. The hatred hadn’t been born at birth. It had come later, when they lost their father-figure. Katsura? Katsura had always hated the world and what it had done to him.

THE CLOUDS ARE PRETTY TONIGHT, KATSURA-SAN.

“Hmm,” Katsura hummed. “They are, Elizabeth. They are.”

COUPLES FALL IN LOVE UNDER CLOUDY NIGHTS, YOU KNOW. IKUMATSU-DONO TOLD ME STARRY NIGHTS WERE OUTDATED.

Katsura laughed loudly, a deep, earnest rumble that started at his chest and echoed through his body. Beneath the costume, Elizabeth smiled.

“Thank you, my friend.”

Elizabeth took a sip of his drink and stared ahead. Katsura joined him.

He had hated the world, and he was sure the world hated him, but things had changed… maybe. Katsura still wasn’t sure, and he maybe he never would be, but it was a truth he’d learn to live with. Without parents, without his grandmother, without Takasugi, Gintoki, Shouyou, Sakamoto… he’d lost a lot. Once, long ago, he’d lost everything, but he hadn’t lost _himself_. He’d survived thirty-six years on his own, and he supposed he’d spend the next thirty-six braving through the land that did him little to no favors. He’d fought, fucked, destroyed, but he’d lived. He lived then, he lived today, and he’d continue to live because he had a will that was as unbreakable as the roots of his hair. He chuckled softly to himself. His hair was always strong, stronger than his soul. It had survived being orphaned and unloved, but it was Katsura’s to keep.

The wind picked up and blew strands of inky black hair over Katsura’s face. Elizabeth’s clothed hand brushed away the locks and filled his cup with more sake. He took the drink and nodded. He thanked all the gods that at least, just for today, he had someone even if one day, long ago, he’d lost everyone.


End file.
